By Osondu Ahirika
Marriage will remain a topical issue in our world. So many young and eligible persons are unable to settle down because many artificial obstacles undermines their psychology and prevents them from crossing the Rubicon of wedlock. Let us search the scriptures and dissect some of those reasons, many remain single despite the wish to marry.
YOU DON'T CONSIDER A LOW KEY WEDDING.
"When the wine ran out, the mother of Jesus said to him, “They have no wine.”
-John 2:3
The only wedding ceremony recorded in scripture which Jesus attended was not a fairy tale style celebrity wedding. In fact, it was one that suffered lack. There wasn't even enough drinks. Yet the wedding was done.
Our egos are so large that, many feel it is an abomination to have a low key wedding.
Do you know that, some weddings take place with fifty or less invited guests and family?
How about considering performing, either of, the traditional or White wedding, or even combining both same day? Cost cutting measures if considered, will serve many aspiring couples. Close your ears to what people will say or that they will mock you.
YOUR PARENTS HAVE MADE THE ASKING PRICE SCARY AND YOU ARE QUIET
'' So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.
Genesis 29:20
When Jacob wanted to marry his heartthrob Rachel, Laban, his would - be father In-law, made it difficult for him. Thank God Jacob had all the love and stamina to go through the (14 years in all) hard labour to get his choice wife.
These days, some parents and families have made the dowry and marriage demands so cumbersome that, it scares suitors away. If you are from such families, it's high time you cry out against this situation.
REFUSAL TO MARRY SOMEONE BENEATH YOUR STATUS
"His name was Nabal and his wife’s name was Abigail.She was an intelligent and beautiful woman, but her husband was surly and mean in his dealings—he was a Caleb item. 1 Samuel 25:3
How many educated women will settle for an illiterate man who genuinely loves them and proposes and vice versa? How many women will not consider themselves too beautiful and high flying to get down with a less endowed man? Abigail did it. Scripture says she even knew her husband is a fool (1 Samuel 25;25)
yet she married him and covered his shortcoming. Will you do that?
IMMATURITY
"We have a little sister, And she has no breasts; What shall we do for our sister On the day when she is spoken for? - Songs of Solomon 8:8
Breast in a woman is symbolic of maturity. People who are physically, spiritually and socially immature stay single as nobody will approach them for serious relationships. Your dressing, the way you speak and how you relate with others say a lot about how people rate you. Do you dress like a club girl even while eyeing marriage and how about the circle of friends you associate with? Of course, if you are idle, that means you have no breast and you are financially or economically immature. Emotional maturity also matters. Think on these things and see for yourself if you are still immature. Do not stay idle. Get a job or learn a trade. Engage people in courteous and productive ways. You are 30 or above and you are still clubbing, playing big boy or girl in the area, my dear you have no 'breast'.
INABILITY TO RELINQUISH YOUR IDENTITY AND ACCEPT WOULD BE IN- LAWS
But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your family God will be my God - Ruth 1:16
Learn from Ruth. You are in a relationship, but you can't stand the parents or siblings of your fiancee. Let me ask you ; what makes you good for marriage.
You already see your would be parents in law as a witch or wizard. You are not prepared to cut your attachments to your roots and assimilate your new home and become one with your husband and his community. What recommends you for wedlock? It doesn't mean you reject or forget your people, but you must find that balance in acknowledging you now have a new life. Your loyalty and love is for your husband and new family, much as you cherish yours.
DESPISING SMALL BEGINNING
"Do not despise these small beginnings, for the LORD rejoices to see the work begin, to see the plumb line in Zerubbabel's hand." Zechariah 4:10
Many of us feel that one must have every comfort conceivable to start a marriage. Ladies want, what they call, a 'ready made' Man and men feel inadequate if they don't have everything before considering marriage. That is an error.
God himself rejoices to see little beginnings. "Though your beginning be small'', God assures," your latter days shall be greatly increased(Job 8:7)."
REVERSAL OF ROLES
"The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD.'' - Proverbs 18:22
Parents make a great mistake in putting a female child under pressure." Go and look for a husband '', you will hear some parents scream on their girls. Sorry, it doesn't work that way. A girl pressuring a man for marriage demeans and makes her look desperate. Like Isaiah 4:1, speaks of desperate women in end time. It turns men off no matter how much they love you. Let the man do the asking please. It also includes acting like the head over the man in a relationship or a man behaving like a spineless female.
PLAYING 'SLAY QUEEN' AND COHABITATION
"The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true." - John 4:18
You fancy yourself as the ultimate 'slay queen', whatever that means to the new age, so you flip from one relationship into another. Sooner than later, everyman in town would have had you and the notoriety will follow you. Be decisive with who you want to stick with. It applies to both sexes.
The worse version is cohabitation. Living with a man who is not your husband prolongs your single status. Nobody will buy the cow, if he is getting the milk, beef and hide, free of charge. Think deeply about it.
NOT HAVING A MENTOR OR COUNSELOR
" Esther had not revealed her nationality and family background, because Mordecai had forbidden her to do so. 11 Every day he walked back and forth near the courtyard of the harem to find out how Esther was and what was happening to her" .-Esther 2:10
Mordechai was a mentor to Esther. As beautiful and endowed as she was, she needed and relied on his superior experience and counsel, to win the heart of the king and become his bride. The same role Naomi played for Ruth to marry Boaz.
You should look for a responsible counselor, your Pastor or his wife or a father /mother figure for guidance on dealing with issues about your marriage aspirations and relationship. Be careful however with who you believe and confide in.
NOT DEFINING THE GOAL OF THE RELATIONSHIP
"When John, who was in prison, heard about the deeds of the Messiah, he sent his disciples, ask him, 'are you the one we are expecting or should we wait for another'' John 11:2
You have been in a relationship for years, and you don't know what will happen or where the relationship is headed. That is being dumb. You are above thirty and you are still comfortable being called,' a chic', 'my Bae', whatever, my dear you are the problem.
Define the relationship and know what you are into and see if it is what you want. Ask him or her, if he or her is the one. There is no harm in knowing. Rather, it will help you moving forward.
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